Its been a little over a year since I had my knee surgery and a little less than a year since I closed the studio and showroom. I can't believe its been that long, but there you have it, I suppose. Naturally, I've been doing a lot of reflecting on the past year and all the changes that have happened.
Closing the shop and taking time away from the never ending treadmill of production was so good for my mental and physical health. While I knew something wasn't right and it was what prompted me to make the change, I didn't realize just how badly I needed a break. There were so many things that had just worn me down, and I couldn't properly see it until there was some distance between me and the shop. From Covid and all that entailed, to simultaneous major road construction in front of my store, to employee issues, supply chain and equipment issues, and my own exhaustion and inability to bring the necessary leadership, there was so much that needed a serious resetting.
Now, nearly a year later, I feel like a new person. I finally was able to see how, over time, I started to let the business run me, instead of the other way around. Leading up to my decision to close I kept hearing from some folks I held close that I needed better time management and project management skills, and that if I could figure those out it would solve all the problems. According to this logic, I needed to be more efficient, among many other things that I was not properly doing, and everything would have run better and the business would have been thriving. It created a huge shame spiral for me, that I "should" be doing x, y, or z, but somehow I was inadequate and was failing. If I just kept going all would work itself out and my dreams would come true. But I struggled to see it, and was stuck on this treadmill of "if only".
This haunted me for a long time. If only I had been more efficient, if only I had been better at managing my time, if only I had kept the thing going that was doing well, but that I didn't enjoy...and on and on. It was a no-win situation that I didn't see until I was out of it. I mean, for the love of all that is good I know how to be efficient. I know how to get shit done. Hell, I started and ran this thing for years basically on my own, and I did a damn good job. So, not only was it incredibly upsetting that it was insinuated that I was the problem, but it basically made me feel like I was backed into a corner, and the only choice I could see to make was to close.
I had to really reflect on what was going on, because while I may not be the best manager of all time, I am no slacker. So, after literally months of some PTSD around making things I came to slowly, and finally unravel from my stress, and in that unravelling I was able to uncover the answer that was so simple: I needed better tasks.
It wasn't that I was bad at time management, it was that I had no interest in doing the tasks that were set before me. So, I balked at doing them. Duh.
So, I set out to give myself better tasks.
And now, after some time, I realize that at my core I am a maker of objects. I love process and exploration and experimentation. I love to try new things. I am a philosopher, a reflector, a processor. I am a teacher. I am multi-faceted and multi-disciplinary. I was outgrowing that cocoon.
I have a new space now, shared with like minded folks, and while its only 200 sq ft give or take, its like a fresh start. Its bringing me back to the beginning when everything was possible, only this time I have a TON of knowledge and have a MUCH better handle on what I do and do not want my business to look like.
SO! I'll write a little more later about the plans I have for holiday. The timing of the move into the studio wasn't the best for holiday preparations...alas my kiln is not even hooked up yet. But, I will have some sort of pre-order thing going on and will ship things later, probably February. Or, you can always order a gift card.
The offerings will definitely change, and I may or may not continue to make the things you have come to know me by and for (well...they may shift a little...I could probably never erase them altogether) but I hope you'll stick around for the rest of the show and see how it plays out. One thing I do know is there will be no more wholesale. I'm focused on retail only, one of a kinds and more sculpture, installation work, and lighting explorations.
Thanks as always for reading this far, and for your support!
xo
Tabbatha
]]>Above is an image of one of the Starry Sky luminaries (hurricanes) that I wired up and put on a base. For whatever reason it has taken me this long to get to it, and now that I have I'm really excited about it! It has a bit of a personality that I wasn't expecting...like a 60's vibe that I absolutely love, while at the same time it feels very elegant. It will fit in with pretty much any decor.
I have MANY pieces waiting to be wired like this. Pieces that have been sitting in my garage for years. Now, I will finally have the time to dedicate to seeing them come back to life!! Yay! So, while I won't have a ceramic studio to work in for a while, I still get to work with these pieces and you can expect to see them online within the next couple of months.
Anyway, just wanted to pop in and let you know about this! I can't wait to show you more!
xo
]]>I don't mind spending holidays alone, but this year feels particularly heavy at the moment. I won't lie, closing the shop has been hard to wrap my head around...the reality is setting in. We are stopping production, doing things for the last time. Not reordering supplies, making do with what we have. The logistics that need planning (hiring movers, having a final open day, do we have a sale?) and the timing of it all is beginning to need to happen. I have a rough general outline, so pretty much all that's left is the doing. Oy. I've been loving these funny memes on Instagram by @digitallybaffled lately that feature a brain talking to its stick figure body and the theme is the planning and doing of things. Its so right on.
I am trying to keep things light, and trying to revel in the fact that I get to do something different. It was just the solstice, and the New Year is coming, and this is always a time, for me, when there is lots of good energy going into planning for what's to come...there is so much to look forward to. But change can be super hard, even if its good and I realize I need to go through a bit of a mourning process. I don't know how to grieve the loss of what I have known for so long, how do you do that? Should I have a ceremony? Throw a party? Maybe! Sitting alone in my house is not really helping...alas I'm still down from the surgery, the weather is shite, and its Christmas....sheesh.
SO...In order not to wallow I've been channeling my grieving towards new things, which seems like a good way to use that energy. I don't want it to become a substitute for mourning though, but maybe that is a way of mourning...there are no rules, or so they say. I must remember to be easy on myself and not judge it. No need to add salt to this wound.
I also need to remember why I made this choice. And also that its not the end of everything...just a shift...making room...it doesn't have to be so serious, does it?
I don't know.
Anyway. Lots of reflection, and processing. Pulling cards, meditating, and yoga. Binging crappy tv while also painting and researching new things, spending money on supplies, and teaching myself new things. Also signed up for those French lessons!
Its gonna be ok. Thanks for reading. This is really helping me process too...getting things down on paper or screen has always helped.
xoxo
T
]]>I've been blown away by all of your comments and emails of support for my decision to shift gears away from production. I'm equally amazed that so many of you took advantage of the sale to purchase and add to your collections. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
RISK and the UNKNOWN
Everything feels so bittersweet right now. I don't think I ever realized the impact that the work was having on so many of you. Its been so validating to hear all your comments and see the orders come in...it has really made me second guess myself.
This choice is not without a great deal of risk. Letting go of all I've built is difficult. While the future is wide open, I also have the sense that it could turn into a freefall. For so long I've known the cycles of the business, daily and monthly and yearly. Its been my port in the storm during times of great struggles. It has lifted me to great heights and achievements. It has been all the things. The idea that I won't have this in my life anymore leaves me feeling, well, anchorless. Its risky. And scary. And exciting. Oh, the possibilities!
Since I'm home healing from knee surgery I've been spending a lot of this time alone. To be completely honest, I was not planning on revealing this until after the holidays. Processing all of this in a vacuum has been difficult. Its really bringing forth all the good and bad parts...and even though I've rolled them over a million times in my head to come to the decision to stop, I still find myself doing a bit of second guessing. But I think that's the fear of the unknown creeping in.
There is, of course, regret, too. Maybe if I had been better at business, or marketed more, or this or that, I wouldn't be feeling this way, or I could have headed these problems off at the pass. Honestly, who knows? It doesn't really do any good to think this way, as there is no going back. But since my head spins, these are the things it spins around.
TIPPING POINT
I always said that if I ever stopped doing this work, it would be because I was going toward something else, not running away from the business. I always imagined that this thing I would be going towards was a place: a move to a new location or a new job. It wasn't until recently that I realized that the thing I need to go towards is my creativity.
One day a few months ago I had to drive down to Rutland to pick up a pallet's worth of clay. We were desperate and they could not deliver for another few weeks which has been happening a lot, so one of us has to go get it. Last time Cadence had to go to Kingston, NY, so I got off easy having to go to Rutland. As I drove down Rt. 100, through the beautiful Granville Gulch in a misty rainstorm, I was just so in the moment, and listening to good music, and enjoying the beauty of the rain and the landscape and I found it so awe inspiring and lovely. Somehow in that moment that I realized what I was going toward. Inspiration. Beauty. Awe. Creativity.
It became so clear. This was my tipping point! I was buzzing with excitement and amazement. This was what I had been waiting for. I had to pull over in Rochester and write it all down.
So, this brave new future is where I am choosing to focus my energies. I have been using the time at home to research and try out some new things. I realized that I am still very interested in lighting design, and am committed to finding new ways to create the visions in my head. I have made some good progress in figuring out where to start, which is exciting to me. Knowing that I'll have the time and headspace to work on these new ideas is really making me happy.
So, for now I'll be content with that, knowing that the road will have its ups and downs. I'm embracing the unknown. I have been here before, as I'm sure many of you have too. I know that when following your own path there are always times of uncertainty and fear, and I remember that in order to push through I must trust in myself, and my choices, as well as my strength and ability to create and move forward. It isn't always easy, but it is always worth it.
In strength and love,
Tabbatha
ps: I do not know how, or if its even possible, for me to reply to comments on the blog. Please don't be offended that I haven't responded...I just can't figure out how to do it yet! Know that I read them all and responded in my head, and am grateful for all your kind, supportive words!
]]>The time has come to close the studio at 10 Stowe Street, and discontinue production of the votives, luminaries, and lanterns. I know this may seem like a sudden, drastic action, but its been brewing for a while, and I'm really quite excited about it.
When I started to get the inklings to close, it was difficult to imagine. I've been in business for a long time...18ish years...and this work has become so much my identity and who I am that I had a hard time seeing myself as something else. As you know, having a small business means you rarely leave it alone, or it rarely leaves you alone, and so, after so many years, its become the fabric of my being. It has come, for better or worse, to define me.
But slowly, the more I thought and dreamt throughout the past year or so, I began to become excited at the prospect of having the freedom to create something new of my life. I started taking online classes and making art at home in the evenings in my still-set-up-Covid-shut-down-pandemic-makeshift studio in my living room. I began to get some energy back and excitement about creating art again. I started to imagine other possibilities for myself, my time, my art. Possibilities that did not include running a production ceramics business. Yikes! Could this really be happening?? Yes...yes it could.
As many of you know, I have love, loved this for many, many years. I was, and am, proud of what I have built from nothing, mostly by myself for a good long part of it. I worked so very hard for so very long. Its amazing to me to think back on all the sacrifices of time and energy and physical well being that I was willing to endure in the name of building this business. I was determined to make it succeed. And I did. And I am proud, and grateful, and happy that I did it.
But in the past few years I began to feel more like a machine, and less like an artist. Even with the move to the new studio and showroom, a goal I've had since the very beginning, I began to feel like something just wasn't right. A LOT of this has roots in moving just as Covid set in and the lost momentum, and financial and supply chain struggles that have ensued since. They took a heavy toll on both the business and my psyche.
But even as those issues began to subside I still no longer enjoyed my days at work, nor was I able to find fulfillment in it as I once had. I felt like I should, and I wanted to, but I just couldn't muster it. Here I was, having reached a longtime goal, with a beautiful space, a great, dedicated studio manager, and the world in front of me...and all I could think was ugh...I am just not into it. WHY?? It was a bit torturous.
After MUCH soul searching I realized that it is because my creativity was being stunted by production work. While grateful and happy that the work resonates with so many and means so much to the people that love it, I just was struggling to find any joy in my daily life. I felt like it was seeping into the work itself. That did not sit well either.
As a creative person, making the same thing day after day, year upon year, takes its toll. While I tried again and again to design and create new things, I would often get dragged back in to the production at the expense of new work, and those experiments would either become one-offs, or sit on the shelf half finished awaiting their turns. I have so many half-birthed ideas in boxes in cabinets and gathering dust on shelves. It was and is incredibly bittersweet.
I did try so many ways to remove myself from the production...mechanical methods (not even close to resembling the hand carved beauty and uniqueness), overseas production (closer to producing good results but too pricey and logistic-y), finding others to carve (no one seemed to want to try). It was disheartening and exhausting, but I kept going, believing that something would click, at some point. It never did.
So, rather than go another year feeling like I'd rather not, I have made the decision to stop. I am ready to identify with the fact that a production artist is no longer who I am. I am an artist, a philosopher, a creator, a teacher; curious and in awe of the world. I cannot wait to explore these sides of myself again. I want my world to be bigger. I want to have different conversations.
As a result, I see this not as an ending, but as a beginning. I have already begun to follow the different threads of my interests: I'm painting 2D artwork, reading about aesthetics, teaching myself Adobe and designing for home textiles. I am considering going back to school, and excited about some upcoming teaching opportunities. And travel...oh travel, I have missed you so!
The website will remain live...I will be adding things as they become available. Home decor, fabric, and wallpaper are the most forthcoming, but perhaps original art pieces, and one of a kind sculptures, new lighting pieces, and jewelry will make an appearance as well.
I am still researching new ways to produce the votives, luminaries, lanterns, pendants, and sconces. There are some promising prospects, and hopefully they will bear fruit. Nothing would make me happier, honestly, than to continue having the pieces produced. I do believe in them so much, and love them so much, and truly want to see them exist in the world, and I know you do too. I just don't want to be the one to make them. :) Stay tuned.
I'm really excited for this next chapter. I hope you can stay with me as I explore and discover.
And, most importantly, THANK YOU!! If you've read this far please know that I am so grateful for you, and would not have made it this far without you. I love you.
Tabbatha
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The planning of the move was incredibly exciting. It had been long time goal to have a retail shop downtown, and I felt like I was really making it. Years of blood, sweat, and tears went in to building and maintaining the business, with many sacrifices made. I am not complaining, no, merely stating that this has been the most important thing to me for many, many years, and to have finally achieved this goal was huge.
But then, literally the day we moved into the space, the state of Vermont, and the world, shut down. We put everything in the middle of the room, and closed the doors for 3 months. I was devastated, though happy for a bit of a break, as moving was taxing.
It was also frustrating because I had all this free time, but no studio to work in! I set up a little makeshift corner of the room and dug through the boxes to find tools and clay and things that would help me make something, anything. I was able to do a few things, but I couldn't get anyone to come install my kiln, or a sink, and so was without these things until about June. We started back to work then, part time, and slowly set things up. We didn't open our doors until September, or maybe even October, just in time for the holidays. It was nuts.
By receiving grants and loans and the support of you, my amazing family of customers and clients, I was able to stay afloat. Thank you!
Now, 2 years later we are still chugging along. Not quite thriving, but getting there. I love my space and the ability to share my work. I love being able to offer the community classes and a fun space to create and learn. I am relieved that this we are all moving through this time, and that soon it will be in our rearview mirrors. I am grateful to have made it through.
I'd like to celebrate a little, so I hope you'll take advantage of the 20% off everything sale. It runs from the 23rd through the 25th. Discount will be automatically applied to your cart, no code needed!
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The downside to discontinuing wholesale is that it was a big chunk of my income. Needing a way to supplement that, I took a new job as Design Consultant for Ethan Allen. While it might seem counterintuitive to create the space (time) for new things, and then go to work outside the studio, in reality it is helping to move some creative energy and get me excited to be back in the shop. I'm working 3 days per week at Ethan Allen, and find that now, when I'm in the studio I'm more focused on doing the things that I really *want* to do. Of course, there are always things that one does not want to do in one's work, but the equilibrium is back. It used to be that I couldn't wait to get out of there at the end of the day, and now I find that I want to go in on my day off and try out a new thing, or write this blog, or take some pictures. I am excited about some new designs in the works, and really focusing on what will bring me joy, so that I can share it with you.
And, as luck would have it, I really like working with Ethan Allen. The design work is fun and is using my brain in a new way. I get to help people create spaces they love to live in, which is really an extension of what I have been doing most of my adult life, just on a different scale, and in a more holistic way. Ethan Allen as a company is committed to integrity in craftsmanship, and still makes most of their products in the US, which is very important to me. So, this shift makes sense in so many ways.
I look forward to sharing the new things with you as they come along, and if you have a design project you'd like help with please reach out! I'd love to help you create your dream space, whether its an installation for your wall, or an entire overhaul of your living room!
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When the pandemic first hit and we were all locked inside I found myself at a loss, like I'm sure so many of you did, too. Since I had just moved the studio and everything was packed up and heaped in tto a big pile of boxes in the middle of the room, I was mostly unable to work in clay. So, I pulled out all the art supplies I had accumulated over the years and decided to set up a little space at home. I started working in watercolors and found it to be so fun!
To me watercolor is very process based, in the same way that ceramics is. The material has a personality of its own, and I enjoyed getting to know it. I'm generally not a 2-D kind of gal, but I ended up letting go of that predisposition and just trying to have fun rather than worry about the outcome. The images pictured here are a few of the pieces that I feel were semi-successful and worth sharing. It was really nice to not worry about the outcome and just explore the medium. Play is so important!
Now that I'm back in the shop full time, I've been playing around with my glazing (another thing I hardly ever do) in order to achieve some watercolor like results.
Stay tuned for updates, and let me know what you think!
xo
Tabbatha
]]>With the circle you know where you stand. Within it is contained the beginning and the end. There is no confusion. No uncertainty.
I recently started making circles of all kinds...in clay and in watercolor on paper. I wasn't sure why at first, as I've always had a preference for the square, but there they were...coming from everywhere! In Ingrid Fettell Lee's book Joyful she helped me understand what I somehow intuitively know: "it is a joyful shape." She goes on to say this: "Circles have long been used as symbols of harmony and wholeness, in sacred traditions as well as secular ones....The circle's unbroken perimeter and even rate of curvature make it the most stable, complete, and inclusive shape."
Suddenly I understood why I had been drawn to it, especially during this weird existance we all find ourselves in. Not only is the circle joyful, but making them brings comfort, calm. Its like meditation. It is helping me stay sane and making me happy, and hopefully makes others happy too!
]]>In this episode of "Installations" I want to talk about one of my favorite projects to date: the installation of the waves in the lobby of the Ritz Carlton Club in St. Thomas. It's one of my faves not only because I got to go there and install it myself, but because it really made a fantastic impact on the space, and solved a huge problem for the client.
Working together with a small group from the Club, we decided on a design that encompasses almost the entire wall, and flows from one end to the other. The wall can be seen from all angles of the lobby, so it was important to me that it move with the viewer through the room, from the time they walk in the door, to the time they exit from the other end onto the beach. It ebbs and flows from one side of the wall to the other, mimicking the undulation of the ocean just outside the doors.
We were all very happy with the final result. Not only is it fun to get to do the actual installation myself, but I think it serves the client, and the work better, as the artistry is mostly in the installation arrangement. Usually I'll see pictures and send a template to be used by the architect or designer's installers for the actual placing of the pieces, but getting to do it myself means the piece can really exist as I have envisioned it. By being in the space I can really see and react to what else is there, as well as how people will exist in and move through the space, which really informs the placement of each piece, and is something I can't get from an image alone. A template will work in a pinch, but the client really gets what they pay for when the artist does it herself!
]]>i've been trying to keep a little momentum going with the business after the move, unpacking store stock and hanging silly positive messages in my windows.
and, while puttering around in there, i decided its time for a virtual grand opening! with everyone spending more time at home, its more important than ever to make sure your space is supporting you and bringing you calm and peace in this time of strangeness. i want to help you with that.
having food in my cabinets is one of the things that makes me feel safe and comforted right now, and its important to me to share that feeling so i'm going to donate 20% of the retail price to the Vermont Food Bank. the donation will also be in effect for any other items you purchase on the site until the end of april, at least.
i'll be uploading things in the coming days and weeks as i figure out the best way to navigate it on the site here, and make it easily accessible to everyone. i'm thankful we can still ship things, and as always there will be the option for local, socially distanced, pick up.
so...stay tuned! likely things will roll out slowly, as opposed to all at once, so if you don't see your favorite thing please reach out.
as always you can order from the regular site but please know that i am not at full production yet and it might take a little longer to get your order.
thanks as always, and stay healthy!
tabby
]]>like you, i'm sure, i've been cycling through all the feelings...one moment i find i'm fearful and scared, the next i'm grateful for the silver linings and the time to rest. i've been finding a lot of solace in nature. i've been enjoying yoga classes online and setting up a little space for creativity in my home. today i cleaned out my refrigerator.
i moved the studio on march 25th, the day the governor issued the stay at home order. i'm sad that i don't get to open my doors yet...it would have been happening this week. i've been struggling to make sense of all the assistance being offered to help me stay afloat during the closures. i'm grateful for the opportunity to receive the assistance, but muddling through it has been challenging. luckily there is strength in numbers and together with lots of others we've been figuring it out.
its been interesting to have to stand up for my business in this way, and to fight for it to stay alive. its hard for me to ask for what i need, but this is not the time to shy away. if i get what i requested i'll be ok. the waiting is hard.
in the meantime, in lieu of a real grand opening, i'll be hosting a virtual grand opening and selling the pieces i already have in stock. we are unable to unpack and start producing, so this is the best way to let you all in. instead of having a sale, and discounting the pieces, i'll be asking full price and donating a portion to various organizations that need it right now. i need to figure out the best way to do this, so stay tuned for updates. also please follow along on instagram where i'll be posting updates and more musings and offerings.
thanks as always for being part of my journey, and wishing you all find the happiness and joy where you can. also, pray for spring...they are forecasting snow today! xo
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